Tag Archives: thoughts

Dream 7/2/2017

This dream was pretty bizarre. I am living with my sister and maybe her boyfriend and they make me so angry, like I am really furious, and I throw them out. She is arguing to stay, but I force her to leave. For some reason I make all the animals in the house go outside as well. There is a dog, my cat and a stray that he likes to play with. When I let them out in the front yard my cat is hungry so he starts eating his friend’s leg. I am not sure if she is alive or not, but I can hear him tearing off her flesh and it’s really disturbing. She is just lying there with her leg up in the air and she looks like a stuffed cat now. I pull him off of her and tell him that it’s not okay to eat other cats. 

Little Things Week 6/4/2017

A bit late with this post, sorry guys! It’s been a busy weekend and I needed some extra time to recover. 

I squirted! I knew I could do it.

One of my cam clients wrote me a poem, which is sweet in itself, but when I read it I was actually blown away. It was the most beautifully accurate description of me, I could see how much thought actually went into it. He sees the rainbow inside me. 

Finally cleared the air about the dogs in the salon issue. I win. No dogs.

I noticed an important pattern in my behavior this morning when I started my period early. Before I get my period I spend money like crazy. Must find better way to regulate brain chemistry.

Cleared the air about my “friend” taking my soundbar and lying about buying my tv and stand, which was the deal for me giving it to her. She will be returning it tomorrow and I feel much better now.

I am realizing that I need to speak up when people try to do me wrong and not back down when they try to lie their way out of it either. I had a huge epiphany for the next part of my sleeve after all the annoying things that happened this week. I love seeing the reason for it all 🙂

One of my nail clients said that during her appointment she was able to talk about the recent death in her family and actually cry. I said I was flattered she felt comfortable enough with me to let go and her response was so touching. She said, “Come on, have you met you?!”

I had my best day on camera Friday, and then i topped that day on Sunday! And I got 4 new badges from the site, which are like little milestones. It’s happening and I am present to witness and enjoy it!

 I met someone in my room who is actually really awesome and attractive. Weird amount of things in common with me….

When I started camming, I felt that I needed my nail job as a “reality check” because being on felt like such a different world to me. But really, I was just afraid of how much better my life can be. Now I feel like being on camera is where I belong and the salon is this place I am transitioning out of 🙂

Vision of Love

I want to become a cam star. I love the idea of being famous online and being a normal person where I live, though I wouldn’t be opposed to something bigger. I want to have a regular clientele and I want to be on the leaderboards regularly. I would make so much money I would never worry about having enough to pay bills ever again. I will be taking care of myself like it’s my job–well it is. I will exercise, eat right, get enough sleep and always make sure I have a little time for just me. I will have time to read, study and travel. I will be able to afford regular salon appointments and I won’t mind doing my nails because I will be on hiatus from that career. And I will feel great about myself too. I will love how I look and I will have so much more energy. I will have a really fun life. Tanned from the sun and happier from actually getting to absorb some Vitamin D. I’m going to be happier than I ever thought possible while always staying true to myself. I will have a beautiful natural look that is always on point. I will always stay true to my style as well and I will have my ideal wardrobe. I will always smell of Gardenia Woods and a perfume that compliments it. I will have grown to be much more humble than I am now. I will be much wiser and have learned an invaluable amount from my new career. I won’t live here anymore and I won’t care who knows what I do for a living. I would encourage people to be open with their sexuality and accepting of other people’s. And I will always stay in the flow. In fact, I will lounge in it like a lazy river. It’s where I need to be if I am to help other’s the best I can. So may the greatness and beautiful little gifts continue to multiply. 

Week of 4/23/2017

The universe is limitless, abundant and strangely accommodating. When I direct my attention toward the good things in my life, even better things start to happen. These were the good things in my life this week:

I have almost everything put away in the new house and it looks beautiful. I had this vision several months ago where I lived in a house with light wooden floors, sheer white flowing curtains and lots of natural sunlight. I have that now. 

My parents came over for dinner and I made lobster that was actually delicious. They brought my flowers that go perfectly with the theme of my breakfast nook–like in the best way. 

I finally have everything in the new house put away! I took a bath to relax afterwards and the tub is super deep and the water stays warm because it was a whirlpool tub at one point. It was so comfy I passed out.

Having time to cook and make myself dinner makes me feel so much better the next day.

I went up into a headstand by myself at yoga Tuesday. 

For the first time in weeks I woke up with nothing to do outside of my normal work day. It felt absolutely fabulous. 

My new route I take to work is through the park and its sooo gorgeous! Especially now that all of the trees are budding. 

I love watching my cat explore the new house. He is checking out all the closets and old vents. Also, his fluffy legs look adorable when he runs up and down the stairs. 

My co-workers have been feeding me delicious food all week. 

There is a place my my new house that sells a really good tiramisu.

I was not having the best day, but then I got online and had an amazing night, made a ton of money and my friend stopped over to get me high and just gave me like a dime. Wouldn’t take any money for it.

One of the local radio stations had a dj who was playing all this early 00’s rap. It was delightfully nostalgic and made me laugh. 

I love waking up to emails from flirt congratulating me on having one of my highest money making days.

Week of 3/26/2017

The universe is limitless, abundant and strangely accommodating. When I direct my attention toward the good things in my life, even better things start to happen. These were the good things in my life this week:

My new coworker and I have the same favorite radio station. For the first time in my nail career I will not be tortured with hits from the 80’s!!

Frank called to let me know everything is on schedule with the new house and I should be able to see it this weekend.

I bought a new vacuum cleaner. I no longer have to sweep in 5 minute increments, I can do the whole room and it doesn’t shut off! Oh, and it actually picks up cat hair. Glorious.

I polished my nails my favorite red, so much happiness.

I feel so strong at yoga this week. I no longer struggle to do a chaturanga throughout the entire practice. My hips feel much more open since I started camming.

Starting to pack a little. Anything I haven’t used since I moved into this apartment is getting donated. Best feeling ever.

Spring weather all week long. The air smells so delicious.  🌷

I may have found a way to eliminate some of my credit debt. I hope it works and actually improves my situation.

I printed some nice pictures of Bettie Page to hang in my room. I am largely inspired by her.

I did a lot of really pretty manicures this week. Lots of nail art.

Thunderstorms all night, so lovely.

I feel so good about the work I am doing right now. Both of my jobs make me feel good about myself and I actually enjoy them.

I finished a box of remover wraps at the salon and had exactly the right amount left.

I was so busy at the salon this week I barely had time to cam.

I hit 200 favorites on Flirt!

I had eggs and rice for dinner and it was exactly what I wanted.

I took my cat for a walk and he was so sweet and well behaved. He’s been really sweet lately, even cuddling with me a little 🙂

I got a message from another cam site wanting to recruit me on Twitter. They said my look will be successful. I know they reach out to lots of people, but it still felt cool.

I found a really cute outfit to wear Saturday night and it looked perfect even though it was too small. My fans all liked it.

I haven’t sat around my apartment bored since I started camming. It feels so much better. My life is so much better. I am growing in a wonderful way.

Goals

If I am ever going to get what I want, I should probably define what exactly that is. I’m not entirely sure actually, but here are the parts I am sure of:

I want to travel. I want to see as much of the world as I can and have friends in many countries. I want to meet people that I can connect with on a deep and intellectual level. I want to experience other cultures.

I want to be with a man who truly values and wants to be loyal to me. He should enhance who I am as a person without needing me to complete him and be able to respect my independence. We will be insanely attracted to each other. I want to be seen as a person rather than a possession and to really be loved. I want to love someone more than myself.

I want to have a lot of money. I don’t want to worry about money ever again.

I want to own a home within driving distance to the ocean. I love the ocean and I must live near it.

I want to be healthy and feel good about the way I look.

I want to have a great job. I want to wake up excited for my work because I am doing what I love and what I love is actually profitable.

I always want to be working towards being the best me I can be and accepting all of the flaws that are my unique perfection. I want to achieve a total acceptance of who I am naturally.

Most importantly, if these things don’t make me happy I want to find what does.